I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
my vag is so smooth its legendary
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
