Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
