There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
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