was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Randomize
