So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
