He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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