i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
