i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
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