Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
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