Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
