these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
