Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
