Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Randomize
