Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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