I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Randomize
