you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I will be naked everywhere
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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