i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Randomize
