Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize
