Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
You left your phone here
Wait...
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