Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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