Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
