Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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