You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
