so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
