But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
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