So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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