Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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