Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
i dont even know how to be here
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
