Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Less talking, more tequila
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
