He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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