I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
