I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
