i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Randomize
