She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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