I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
