So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Randomize
