he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
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