really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
