do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
So how did finding that girl you know on GGW go?
I was so pissed when it just previews her all covered up. It would have been easier to just have sex with her
Yeah but then you would have a case of genitals gone wild
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I just found puke in my bra..
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
