I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
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