Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
