I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
