At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Shame - the story of my life.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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