Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
