I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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