I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Randomize
