your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
