I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
