Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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