My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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