did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
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