Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
