Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
